PGA's Stock Characters
Baldrick
What can be said about PGA's simple minded, but lovable resepchonist, mentile hellth speshilist, poit lawerat, and go-for? Wherever there is an adventure, this slow-witted fool is sure to be right there in the middle of it, lending his own special perspective on things. He spends a good deal of his time creating poetry, or as he calls it, poetree. Most, if not all of his verse seems to come out in limerick form, however. If you are up to a tow-cart race he will be happy to oblige. Just don't trust him to take messages for you. He will inevitably garble it, usually in embarrassing ways.
Sergei and Alec
Elbonian immigrants who work for Mac the Wrench and do most of the aircraft restoration and repair, with sometimes surprising results given their country's position as something of a technology afterthought. They once won the "No Bell" Prize for breaking the sound barrier with an elastometric (rubber-band) powered aircraft. Their families are proud.
Kitty
Kitty started out as "Darby's cat," but the Boss fell in love with the cute, black kitten and adopted her. Kitty quickly grew into an 80 pound panther, probably due to her protein-rich diet. Kitty is definitely the Boss's pet. Some of the Senior Captains have come to be on exceptional terms with Kitty through frequent application of treats, but most other pilots are rightfully more than a little nervous around the beast. Kitty has a decided penchant for rubbing against the legs of pilots, possibly testing them for tenderness.
Among Kitty's roles within PGA is to dispose of the evidence. Pilots who aren't participating or who otherwise severely irritate The Boss may be demoted to "Kitty Chow," in which case their only hope is to fly enough to stay out of the beast's claws.
Lysander
Another of The Boss's pets. Lysander is a 12-foot long boa constrictor who prowls the PGA premises looking for rodents, sleeping pilots, and other vermin. One of his favorite hangouts is on the fender of the beer/fuel truck. Please don't mistake him for the filler hose, as he really doesn't appreciate it even when the truck is full of beer. His favorite food is single-malt scotch, so don't leave yours lying around if you want to keep it.
Elizabeth Ricochet aka Bouncing Betty
Sam Ricochet aka Sawtooth Sam
These are the voices you hear directing you all over the sky when you fly a controlled flight plan. No one knows why the Ricochets loathe PGA so much. Whatever the reason, they take every opportunity to torture us and can be quite imaginative in their routings. They also seem to be omnipresent, as no matter where you go, there they are. How they do this remains a mystery. I'd say avoid them, but you really can't.
Olly Jimson
A reporter for the San Jose Inquisitor. Olly and the rag he works for dislike PGA intensely. They wage a never ending print campaign against the airline, and we firmly maintain that at least most of what they print is pure fabrication. At least we have deniability.
General Kayos
US Air Force has lead many a campaign against PGA. His animosity started when he used PGA as a cats paw for one of his operations. The operation flopped and he tried to leave PGA holding the bag. Luckily we had resources he was unaware of. Since that time he has used his rank and position to punish us at every opportunity. Although he hasn't been seen in some time. Maybe he finally retired. One can hope.
Colonel Barbara Singleton
Major Payne Boyington
Col. Singleton is US Air Force Criminal Investigations Officer. She and Maj. Boyington have attempted to smear our fine organization on many occasions. They have unlawfully arrested our pilots, seized planes and cargo, and have held PGA pilots incognito without charges for extended periods of time. Their actions allowed PGA to successfully sue the Air Force on one occasion, which has served nicely to increase the animosity. Just don't mention Cap'n Dave's name in their presence, and vice-verse.
Major Steve Riley
Not all Air Force people hate us, and Maj. Riley is a good example. Currently serving at Travis AFB as a Special Operations (Intelligence) Officer, Maj. Riley is a pilot rated on almost anything. He is also a graduate of the Air Force Test Pilot Academy. Maj. Riley is one of the new breed of Air Force IO's that are friendly disposed towards outfits such as ours... He worked closely with and was friendly Capt Flaps back in the day. He has new modern ideas, does not like the "Old Guard" and loves flying. He is a member of Travis Aero Club and owns a personal Cessna 172. The Boss jokes that she's keeping a locker for him in the hangar for the day they kick him out of the Air Force.
Lester Springem
One of the finest criminal law attorneys on the west coast, and chronically on retainer to PGA. Good thing, too, because we often need his services. Lester is a tall, distinguished-looking gentleman, or at least can easily be mistaken for a gentleman. He carries himself with the authority born from confidence in his own ability, which has been proven time and again. He is always impeccably dressed and groomed, even when called out at the midnight hour. He is the only individual aside from The Boss to which Lysander defers, probably out of professional courtesy.
Hyram Selachi
The trial lawyer PGA keeps on retainer. He is very similar to Lester except he is very short and has boyish looks. People often misjudge him because of his appearance. It's a fatal (legally speaking) mistake. He is a marvel to watch in the court room. He's a shark, but he is our shark. Whenever he smiles, you can swear you hear the theme from "Jaws" in the background.
Ulysses Grant, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton and other famous dead Americans.
These folks, well their pictures on paper anyway, are PGA's friends. Usually. Applied to the right palm they have stopped many an incident from becoming trouble and many a trouble from becoming a disaster. PGA managers keep a roll of these people's pictures handy for emergency application.
Grues
Grues are very mysterious creatures. No one has ever seen a Grue before and lived to tell about it, which is why some people don't believe in Grues. Those would be the folks who get devoured when they enter a pitch black room or, on occasion, a very dark corner.
Standard Grues live wherever it is pitch black, but will venture into the merely very dark in search of prey, particularly when they haven't eaten in a while. They have the uncanny ability to devour anyone very quickly and silently. Should a light shine upon where they are, they move out of the lighted area so quickly that you're left with the sense of having almost seen something. They also move so silently that one only has a sense of having almost heard something.
PGA's Grue lives in and around the hangar, and is the number one reason every pilot carries a flashlight/torch with fresh batteries at all times.
Polar Grues are pure white and live in snowbanks. They can be encountered anywhere above the 55th parallel many an adventurer has fallen prey to these creatures in the northern wildernesses.
If you're ever in a pitch black area, or in a pitch white (not yellow) snowbank and all alone, beware, for you are likely to be eaten by a Grue.